I read a little while ago that second chance romance rated as the last trope on a list of many possible favorite tropes chosen from. I find this utterly fascinating because I'm obsessed with second chance romance. When I was young I never went back to someone once we broke up ( although there were requests), but being married for 29 years this August ( been together for 36 years- yeah, we're getting old) is an experiment in continual second chances. That is, if you do any of the work to still be in love with your significant other. Make no mistakes, that ebbs and flows; but it is always rewarding to find yourself in another phase of falling in love.
It all boils down to four life guidelines:
1. I knew who he was when I married him ( strengths, weaknesses, ambitions and beliefs- we had had years of intense "hard conversations "), and I have never tried to change him. I simply give him facts about what his decisions are doing to or for me. Any change is his decision.
2. Always aim to be kind- this is especially true when arguing. Cruelty courts resentment, and resentment kills love.
3. I don't enjoy confrontation. I employ humor to fix everything. That doesn't mean I'm a doormat. Being involved so long with someone who enjoys verbal repartee has taught me to sometimes be biting, but always funny.
4. I am in charge of making me happy. I don't nurture relationship changing resentment or arguments. My rule is that I only really fight about things that I know will bother me in 3 years if I don't make a stand now. That's a question I find myself asking silently often. If the answer is " no", then I look for my own solution to get me back to happy.
Apologies for the length of this comment; it just felt so within my wheelhouse.
I read a little while ago that second chance romance rated as the last trope on a list of many possible favorite tropes chosen from. I find this utterly fascinating because I'm obsessed with second chance romance. When I was young I never went back to someone once we broke up ( although there were requests), but being married for 29 years this August ( been together for 36 years- yeah, we're getting old) is an experiment in continual second chances. That is, if you do any of the work to still be in love with your significant other. Make no mistakes, that ebbs and flows; but it is always rewarding to find yourself in another phase of falling in love.
It all boils down to four life guidelines:
1. I knew who he was when I married him ( strengths, weaknesses, ambitions and beliefs- we had had years of intense "hard conversations "), and I have never tried to change him. I simply give him facts about what his decisions are doing to or for me. Any change is his decision.
2. Always aim to be kind- this is especially true when arguing. Cruelty courts resentment, and resentment kills love.
3. I don't enjoy confrontation. I employ humor to fix everything. That doesn't mean I'm a doormat. Being involved so long with someone who enjoys verbal repartee has taught me to sometimes be biting, but always funny.
4. I am in charge of making me happy. I don't nurture relationship changing resentment or arguments. My rule is that I only really fight about things that I know will bother me in 3 years if I don't make a stand now. That's a question I find myself asking silently often. If the answer is " no", then I look for my own solution to get me back to happy.
Apologies for the length of this comment; it just felt so within my wheelhouse.
I love this comment, Heather! Clark and I hold very similar values.
I love a good grovel. You excel at writing them.
Unfortunately I don't have a good grovel story